Why am I doing this again?

I am the first one to admit, I have bad days. But today was a doozie. Work was fine, life is fine....my running sucked arse.

I got home from work and decided I did NOT want to run today. Nope, no ma'am, not me. Not a single bone in my body wanted to put my running shoes on. No real reason, just knew I shouldn't run today. Well, my coach/Hubster said I should get out there, even if it was just for 1 mile (oh...how he nailed it with this statement), so I could stay on schedule (Mon, Wed, Fri, Sun). So I did...begrudgingly.

I felt ok leaving the house, a little more pep in my step with my shoes on my feet. But the minute I got through my warm up and started my run I felt my legs...they were lead, still sore from my 5k Sunday. I pushed through. I learned early on that the physical pain in my legs only gets easier after the first few minutes. But after 1/2 mile I was just done. I kept running through 1 mile and then made my mistake: I turned towards home instead of out for a second loop. I gave up. Once again, I didn't kick my mind in the butt like I should have. Granted...I ran a 11:30 mile and never stopped. Which is a big achievement for me over where I started 3 months ago. And over my usual 12:30 pace.

The new pace today actually felt more comfortable than my slower pace. 11:30 just feels right. It's a quicker stride, but more of a 'run' than a 'silly looking fast walk with some hopping thrown it so it can be called a jog'.  Granted, I only went 1 mile at it, but had my mental game been with me I would have easily pulled 2-2.5 miles at that pace. It just felt 'right'.

So, when I got home I cried to Hubster. I told him I'm a fool, I'm not meant to be a runner, and I should be so much further in my abilities than I am. He, of course, consoles me and tells me all the things I needed to hear to feel a little better.

I've come away from my terrible run tonight with this: I needed today to happen. I needed to give up on myself one time to learn a lesson. And that lesson is that 10-20 more minutes of running when I feel like I should give up will hurt a lot less than the 3-4 hours I'll spend beating myself up for quitting. And that is what I will remind myself the next time I'm faced with the decision of one more lap or home. I'll always choose the extra lap.